|Trump’s wife Melania,
This is not awfully common, but the scriptwriters of Coronation Street have heard about the distress of Donald Trump at his likely exit from the US presidential elections.
Granada have therefore offered him an attractive short term contract which satisfies most of his desires.
Donald will enter the Street as the new owner of the knicker factory, saving jobs and with a new range, “Brevity”. His wife Melania will advertise the product with the irresistible tagline “you don’t often see a Trump”.
As a highlight to the contract Donald stands to be President of the Weatherfield traders association, only to find an adversary in the talented and attractive Audrey, owner of the local hairdressing salon.
As a subplot Donald entices Audrey’s daughter Gail into the stockroom with a view to groping her. This is his tout de force.
Unbeknown to Donald, Gail gave keys to the stockroom to Norris, and as Norris exits the stockroom, visibly shaken, we can only guess that there’ll be no more gobstoppers on sale at the cornershop.
As a climax to the contract Audrey discovers under a barmat a handwritten note signed by Ena Sharples, Martha Longhurst and Minnie Caldwell urging everyone to vote against Donald Trump, because they haven’t found a soul in Heaven who has a good word to say about him.
Of course this begs the question where do Donald’s many Evangelical Christian supporters go when they die?